Ok. So this is where I am now.

When love is not madness, it is not love –Pedro Calderon de la Barca

At this moment I am embarking on a mission – one that has been long time coming. You see, I am not a writer by trade, I have never been a blogger, I am not an author, and I can’t claim to be a spiritual leader. I AM a woman. I AM a loving mother. I AM a sister to 5. I AM a beloved daughter. I AM a loyal friend. I AM a Twin Flame.The reason that I am creating this blog is because it has been 18 months since my spiritual awakening first started to come into the light, and I have yet to clearly understand where exactly it is taking me. In fact there have been an equal number of dark days during this awakening as well. It is important for me to do this, because as all of you know who have been in a similar situation, it is the best of times, and the worst of times – all at the same time. It is exciting, horrifying, elating, brain draining, enchanting, and last but not least – an utter state of Confusion most days. Events transpire and emotions occur that you never knew were even possible, and it takes you so deep inside of yourself that sometimes it seems like you may just drown. As you can see from the name of my blog – what threw me into this light and dark world of my own personal spiritual awakening was the exploding collision with my Twin Flame. (AKA, my TF throughout this blog.)

What the hell is a twin flame you ask?? We’ll get to that later. If you were to ask me that question 18 months ago, I would have most likely thought it was a new kind of cigarette lighter or children’s superhero. And in fact, I guess it could be comparable to such things, because the spark that was ignited after my twin flame fully came into my life – has become an all-consuming, 5-alarm fire that makes me feel more alive than ever before, yet in my worst moments it has threatened to swallow me whole.

A twin flame union has a force that will rock your world as you know it, to the very naked core, and will take whatever belief system you had and turn it on its head and back again. There is no getting over it and there is no moving on. There is only surviving.

For any that know me, and love me, and for those that don’t – I have never been a religious woman. Yes, I grew up going to church on Easter and Christmas – and I have always felt that there is something out there “greater” than all of us, but the constraints and judgments of typical westernized religion, never felt good to me. There was just too much missing from it. And I was always left with more questions than answers. So if someone had told me years ago that I would be writing a VIRTUAL spiritual journal, where EVERYONE in the world can see it – I would have said they were a freak show!! In my posts you may see or read references to Universe, God, Source, Spirit, Spirit Guides, Angels, etc. – but please use this only as a reference point for your own personal beliefs of the “greater” forces surrounding us. I have my own beliefs and all I can say at this point is that they don’t revolve around a bearded man in the sky sitting in judgment. However, if that is your belief, more power to you as long as it brings your heart love and light.

But back to the title of this first post, I am here now – and by here now, I mean that I am separate from my twin at this point in time, and there is no indication that we will ever be together in this physical world again. I am heartbroken – left with a spiritual phantom limb syndrome – as part of me is gone yet I can still feel my twin all around me. I try not to give into the moments of agony this knowledge brings me at times, but I will tell you it’s not easy. As I document my awakening, I know I will continue to deal with the extreme pain that screams from every cell in my body when I allow it to – because I know the truth of who we are. I love my twin flame with all I have – I have to love him – because He is Me and I am Him. Those are the rules, and I must abide. It’s all part of the self-love prophecy that twins bring to the forefront.

I hope to gain more clarity and strength as I continue to move through this journey and for all those out there that are just beginning a twin flame journey of their own – You are not alone. We are all One, and we are all in this together. Everyone has their own path in this human experience, and the free will to make whatever choices we decide on this place we call Earth. I am just beginning to understand that our time here is just a temporary vacation, and that we all go Home sooner or later.

For now, as you remember, I said I am on a mission – and that mission is to become ME.

Love and Light

-Lola

 

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