We sometimes get to a point in life, when we have set a ton of goals, planned our dream vacation, taken care of our children, and fallen in love – where we realize something is missing. While focusing on all of the external things we want and love, we have forgotten the one thing where it all begins – to LOVE OURSELVES first.
I got to this point – and unfortunately I don’t have any excuse. Some of us have grown up in families that don’t show love. Some have been shown love in unhealthy ways, and have carried that on throughout life. Some of us are victims of abuse. I grew up in a very loving, supportive, and non-judgmental family. I may not have always picked the “best of the best” in men, but honestly the ones I have been in relationships with were only doing the best they could at that time – just as I did. I think the moment I stopped “loving” myself was the moment I had my first son. I was so IN LOVE with him, and felt so much UNCONDITIONAL LOVE in return, that I stopped thinking much about myself at all. It only got worse when my second son was born. Besides this kind of love, the only time I felt anything comparable was when I met my Twin Flame – and lost myself to LOVE again.
Herein lies the problem. It isn’t just a “woman” thing, because I know many men who have given all to LOVE and ended up broken-hearted. But before we can truly give the right kind of love to anyone, we must learn how to practice self-love first. I can tell you firsthand, that not only do you have to have the stomach and intestinal fortitude to handle a twin flame relationship – but self-love is the only way through it.
I know, I know…I have already pointed out over and over again that twins are reunited to be each other’s mirror, and reflect back to us exactly what we need to fix. But I didn’t know this in the beginning!
When my twin and I were together, I would have told anyone that I was practicing self-love 100%! I had found the man for me I wanted to spend my life with, made the decision to move across states and start life there, and was focused on every little thing that my twin and I talked about creating together that would add joy to our lives. Isn’t that loving oneself? Umm…not so much.
Everything in our external world is a reflection of our internal world. And one year ago, hell even 6 months ago – my external world from my old version of “self-loving” was a hot mess. The level in which we take care of ourselves and practice self-love, will be directly reflected back to us in the quality of our relationships, health, work, abundance – everything.
Learning to forgive and love myself again after that hot mess has been one of my biggest lessons. It will be a lifelong process, but now I can see the forest through the trees. It isn’t dim or dark anymore, it is a process filled with light, love, and laughter.
Here are some of my tips on how I learned to love ME again:
- Accept yourself. Flaws and all.
We all have hurts, emotional pains, and shortcomings. Get over yourself and get out of your own way! The best way to practice being less judgmental, is to start with yourself.
Focus on your many positive qualities. Focus on your strengths, your abilities, and your admirable traits. Let go of harsh judgments, comparisons to others, and self-hatred. When you can see yourself as the soulful and divinely inspired person you are, the damaging internal dialogue won’t be allowed to live there anymore. When self-love arrives, it takes over.
- Practice forgiveness.
Allow yourself and others to be forgiven. When you hold on to resentment, there is less room for love, and we you are more likely to have that resentment spill over into your whole life. When you forgive someone for a transgression of the past, you don’t just allow them to move forward, but also release the sadness and anger in ourselves, leaving room for loving relationships and true connection.
If you close your eyes, who is the first person that pops into your mind? Again, it should be YOU. Then work on any other outstanding relationships or situations that need forgiveness.
- Sit still and honor your soul.
This is quite the task; I am here to tell you. We think that we are sitting still when we are watching a movie, or driving in the car. NOT! Truly sitting in stillness is an art. And you will find your own way to master this.
For me I found a spot in front of my bedroom window where I can see the trees and hear the birds. I started off sitting for 10-15 minutes, finding a comfortable position, closing my eyes and not moving any part of my body for that time period. At first you will notice everything – you will get an itch, or a twitch – just ignore it. It will pass. You will also notice that even if you are sitting as still as a mannequin, your mind will be darting around in thought. It is irritating, but master the PHYSICAL stillness first, the other comes next.
Once you have worked up to 15-20 minutes daily without any physical movement, you can move onto working on the MENTAL quiet. What worked for me was not trying to stop my thoughts, but focusing on my breathing – and my breathing only. After about 5 minutes your mind will start to calm down. This gets better the more you do it, and just doing this every day will help you start to honor your soul.
- Give yourself a gift every day.
For some reason many of us experience feelings of guilt for taking time for ourselves or even just simply relaxing. We live in a society where we work hard, yet we rarely reward ourselves for all we do. Start a 30 day Self-Love journal, and pick something new each day as your reward.
Keep it simple – otherwise it is just another task added to your already long list of things to-do. Buy yourself a new book if you love to read, and start reading it. Go on a hike and take photos. Pick up a fresh bouquet of flowers at the farmer’s market. Take a bubble bath complete with candles and soul soothing music. Go to a playground, and watch the children play. Whatever fills you with joy – Do it!
- Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude.
We often take for granted all of the gifts we truly have in our life. This includes people, circumstances, and things. When we take the time to truly appreciate all that we experience, we have the chance to deepen our relationship with ourselves and other people and feel more fulfilled in life. This love will overflow into everything we do and attract more loving relationships and circumstances.
I started a 100 day gratitude journal and wrote down 10 things every day that I am grateful for. Don’t just be grateful for all the things you perceive as good, also be grateful for the challenges you have. They are a gift too. As is the air we breathe. Think outside of the box – you will find more things to be grateful about than you know.
- Learn to connect with your higher self.
In future posts, I will delve deeper into the subject of higher self and what I have learned. For now, here are two tips to get you started:
Live in the moment. So much of our suffering comes from not living in the now. Our minds are unbelievably powerful when focused, but most of that power is lost by not living in the moment. The Present is where your power is! Most importantly, you can only connect with your Higher Self when you are in the present. Learn to let go of the past, projecting into the future, worrying and anything else that takes you away from the present moment. Peace is in the now!
Surrender. One of the most important things we can do in helping connect to our higher self is to let go – of that which causes us pain, suffering, limitation, or unhappiness. You can’t just do this with the power of positive thinking either – that is like covering up body odor with cologne!
You must allow yourself to first acknowledge the pain – then be willing to release it.If you try to ignore it, it will fester and keep coming back. Give it a moment, then give it to the Universe/God/Source, whatever your belief is. It is only Ego that tries to hold onto suffering, so give it no more power in your life by releasing it.
Love and Light